Where is my horse?

Something that we all know, but it matched so well with what I've been telling myself for the last month, that I decided to paste it here:

"Whatever you have said or done, dust yourself off and get back on your horse. No one can put you back on, you have to stand up and climb on the horse yourself. Once you're back on, you are free! Your life is what you choose to make of it."

Dismis

That's one of those "easy to say, hard to do" things. I know I'm potent enough to change almost anything I want now. It pushes me forward yet doesn't bring me anywhere. This realization of being able to get yourself from point A to point B, coveted for so many months, puts too much pressure on me. As a result, I get way too critical with myself. That only slows me down, and in the mean time puts a dent in my self image. I fail by being afraid to fail.

It's scary to open your eyes every day and know how much of what is happening is your fault. What ever happened to that animal pushing so hard before? I know darn well, that I can, then why am I not there yet? I want to scream, I'm so mad at myself. You can only deny something for so long, and I whisper. Only whisper because I don't have guts to say it out loud, I need help...and I'm scared.

From my personal experience, perfectionism often has procrastination by its side. It's never good enough, it's too hard to finish, it's never done. When stakes are high, you tell yourself you can't afford to lose your chance by not putting enough effort. Then you end up being too meticulous with your work, never complacent, taking too long, and end up missing out.

Tomorrow I will be fine with mediocre. I will get on that baby and ride it into the sunset. So, where is my horse?

P.S. This post sucks. I guess tomorrow starts now. meh