What was written on the undersides of tables

I knew more things in the first ten years of my life than I believe I have known at any time since. I knew everything there was to know about our house for a start. I knew what was written on the undersides of tables and what the view was like from the tops of bookcases and wardrobes. I knew what was to be found at the back of every closet, which beds had the most dust balls beneath them, which ceilings the most interesting stains, where exactly the patterns in wallpaper repeated. I knew how to cross every room in the house without touching the floor, where my father kept his spare change and how much you could safely take without his noticing (one-seventh of the quarters, one-fifth of the nickels and dimes, as many of the pennies as you could carry). I knew how to relax in an armchair in more than one hundred positions and on the floor in approximately seventy- five more. I knew what the world looked like when viewed through a Jell-O lens. I knew how things tasted—damp washcloths, pencil ferrules, coins and buttons, almost anything made of plastic that was smaller than, say, a clock radio, mucus of every variety of course—in a way that I have more or less forgotten now. I knew and could take you at once to any illustration of naked women anywhere in our house, from a Rubens painting of fleshy chubbos in Masterpieces of World Painting to a cartoon by Peter Arno in the latest issue of The New Yorker to my father’s small private library of girlie magazines in a secret place known only to him, me, and 111 of my closest friends in his bedroom...

(Bill Bryson, "The Life And Times of the Thunderbolt Kid")

Stop and stare

It's a true day off for me when there is time for casual browsing of photography. There is something about a still picture of a never-pausing reality. One of those rare times when you can shamelessly stare, imbibing the littlest details.

Press to enlarge:
These pictures are not mine. I found all of them at http://vk.com/stunningphotos and made a collage from http://www.photovisi.com/. Enjoy!

We are the Queer. We are the Whore.

http://networkedblogs.com/hbVeY

"I am the queer. I am the whore. and I’m desperate for someone with eyes and arms of grace to truly see me and to hold me into a second chance. and a third, and a fourth, and a fifteenth chance. and I want to be the scandalous grace-giver of eleventy-two chances to others who also need them. like me."

Do I hear a bid for $9?

Someone in my home town wrote a blog post about a charity date auction. There girls showed off their pictures for other people to bid for a date, with all proceedings eventually going to local orphanages. The auction was organized through vkontakte.ru, an Eastern-European equivalent of Facebook. Out of curiosity I followed the link and looked at an album with pictures of the lots.

As expected, there was a ton of flirty pictures of girls smiling in the camera. Some were eagerly, accidentally on purpose, exposing their cleavages.

There were a few that just really stood out. Above is one of them. I'm happy to note the lot got one of the highest bids...a few pennies short of 9 bucks.

Video Portrait

The music, her being so stereotypically sexy, a lot of make-up, him on her lap and not vice versa, the smell of alcohol, "the world can wait' feeling or maybe blissful indifference to the norms, disgusting/strange/funny/beautiful mixed together, 1:21, and a very wet kiss.

Her: Hun, I have an announcement. Tomorrow, on the twenty...whatever the date is, I'm officially starting to lose weight. So I want you to point out if you see me eating...

Him: You are pretty.

Just some sayings from very different sources that appeared meaningful to me today:

You are a leader in some way, to someone (and probably more people than you realize). Rise up. ~ My friend, Breanna

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~ Oscar Wilde

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains / And we never even know we have the key ~ Eagles "Already Gone"

Think of the asses you will kick - It will be glorious. ~ Unknown

Granted if we cuddled I'd probably start rubbing your shoulders.
yeah, and I probably would feel very awkward and would subtly move away :)
And I'd hold you closer
And I'd sigh and stay in your arms
Exactly

It was all right

I grabbed the first piece of paper I could find. I need to write this down. I haven't felt this way in..oh it's useless, who cares about the time.

If you saw me now, I would shamelessly interrupt you from whatever you are doing and just start talking, frantically pacing the room with that crazy "I have an idea" sparkle in my eyes. You would think I'm out of my mind. You could laugh in my face, get obnoxiously mad, ignore my every word, slap me, be simply amused..you know what ...IT DOES NOT MATTER.

Years of worrying, stress, insecurities, regrets, shame, guilt, all those situations when I just felt like disappearing for a little, when I was doubtful and had no idea what I should do next or, more often, what exactly I should've done differently -- it was ALL right. It all was right.
No no, please don't go yet. (I'm blocking the door, so you can't leave:))

I believed in that before...no, never before I actually perceived so clearly and distinctly that it all had a reason. Even those mishaps I'd rather erase, they were there and they should stay there in my past. None of it really matters anyway. Yeah, they shaped that experienced "you". Garbage. What really matters are those moments. Those rare, intimately beautiful moments when you were truly happy, when there was no fear or worries, and you felt free. You have felt it. That's what's important.

Tonight I had one of those moments. It wasn't about any particular person or an event, more about a whole big chunk of my life lining up together and making sense now. It was all right, even the things that were wrong. It made sense on the big scale. There were no regrets. and for that moment I meant it like no other time before.

I laid there with my eyes closed, enveloped by the sounds of piano, waiting for him to come and kiss my smile.

What must I do to tame you?

"What does that mean--'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important...You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince

(translated by K. Woods)

Брак = Marriage

Soviet cartoons. There is something nostalgic and sad about them. No, not that pitiful type of sad, but rather something similar to the feeling you get looking at the colorful falling leaves in autumn. Mysterious dance of nature full of sadness and joy silently reminding you, this is life.

This cartoon is about a relationship...of two ropes speaking gibberish who decide to tie the knot. No matter how ridiculous it sounds, there is so much in all of this happening in real life, it brings that falling-leaves feeling into my heart.

(feel free to skip over the first 40 seconds of credits)

The Third New York

"There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born there, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size, its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter--the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. Of these trembling cities the greatest is the last--the city of final destination, the city that is a goal. It is this third city that accounts for New York’s high strung disposition, its poetical deportment, its dedication to the arts, and its incomparable achievements. Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness, natives give it solidity and continuity, but the settlers give it passion. And whether it is a farmer arriving from a small town in Mississippi to escape the indignity of being observed by her neighbors, or a boy arriving from the Corn Belt with a manuscript in his suitcase and a pain in his heart, it makes no difference: each embraces New York with the intense excitement of first love, each absorbs New York with the fresh yes of an adventurer, each generates heat and light to dwarf the Consolidated Edison Company..."

"Here is New York" (1948) by E. B. White

Are you happy?

I'm content with my life. This means so much to me to type this up and actually mean it. I am content. Pursuing goals far above my head, chasing a better, stronger, smarter me. It will all persist. But for now I'm content.
I have dreams and I won't let them go. I have a family that will never turn on me. I have love for people, and it will not stop no matter how naive you think I am.
It's been so long since I felt so internally calm and satisfied with the way I am. It is a very neutral feeling, but it brings peace into my heart. I accept life. I will welcome its challenges and try my hardest to overcome them. I will help people. And when it comes to the point when it feels that everything is alright, I will enjoy the moment and be truly happy for the time being.

Will this make you smile?

There are some films, that when you watch them, make you want to

do good, enjoy this astounding life, and just smile. This video was

one of those films for me.