What do you do when it seems like the whole world is against you? When everyone says go, give up, don't even bother, this won't ever change, it will only get worse. You search for proactive solutions and in return just have people shake their heads at you. You climb and they tell you it's not worth it, quit. How come it's so black and white for them? As if I ask someone to help me with a very challenging assignment to only hear back that I should drop the class. It's ridiculously difficult anyway, you don't deserve this, right? Or when I have an infection on my arm and my doctor suggests to amputate it all the way instead of helping me to first figure out how I can heal the wound. Hey, just get a good surgeon to cut off your arm, they'd say.
As much as I'm frustrated about the problem in my relationship, I'm even more upset at people who can't see that pulling out is not the only solution. Life is so complex. You can not just say that this is THE way to deal with your problem, no matter who you are and what all the nuances of your issue are.
This massive misunderstanding is perhaps partially responsible for why so many people are going through the same problems in complete silence. Outsider's view that there is a one-size-fits-all solution only emphasizes a lack of sufficient empathy and ability to relate realistically.
It's hard. It is so demonically hard to move in the darkness without any support. I wouldn't want pity, just knowing that someone is on my side, standing by me, trusting me to make my own choices and to live with their consequences. And even if that someone is not the one to help with my hard class assignment, at least I'd know they are with me, emotionally helping to deal with that decision to not drop out.
Call me a fool, tell me it won't work as much as you want. I simply refuse to listen!
I'm on a quest. I will confide in God, pull all my strength together and prove the whole freaking world wrong. I don't know how yet, but I will. You'll see...
I understand what you mean. I got to the part about how you were having a difficult time with your relationship and I instantly got it. Recently, I was having a difficult time of my own. I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me with one of his exes. (No, I never found out the truth, either way though he outright says that he didn't. It's a long story...) I confided in someone at work, someone that I knew that I could trust. She said she didn't understand why I didn't break up with him if I found out that he was cheating. I told her that I wouldn't do that. I don't think I ever would. I guess because I always want to give people the extra benefit of the doubt to believe that they won't do it again or that he loves me enough to prove it to me day after day. I know he loves me - that's not a question and never will I wonder if his heart beats for me every day like mine does for him. She didn't understand that there is a way to work through everything and that it might not be the easiest thing in the world but there is always a way to see the good somewhere and remember what you have together, not just throw it away. You have to be willing to fight for what is yours and what you want and know is right. Someone else said that she broke up with her boyfriend because she "fell out of love"... I shook my head and could not believe those words. I think that's impossible. You loved them before. But quite frankly, I suppose if you aren't willing to work it our with them, then you don't deserve them anyway...
ReplyDeleteShelly, thank you so much for your understanding and thoughtful comments. I too don't like it when people say "fell out of love". Even when the relationship doesn't work out, you still carry some of that love with you later on.
ReplyDeleteNow about your situation, to be honest it did make me a little worried. BUT there is no one else who knows the circumstances better than you and your boyfriend, so you can judge better. Sometimes I like doing small reality checks polling my friends without giving out too many specifics, but the final decision is always up to me. The main thing in my opinion is just remembering to maintain good and open communication with your partner, listening to yourself, and making sure you are not getting carried away with your own thoughts disregarding his.
Thank you again. I'm always excited to hear from you.