I feel like a piece of shit. And this is one of those times when I'm not even exactly sure why, and I bet you will think I'm overreacting.
I just called my friend and apparently he was seriously stoned at the time. I knew he was using marijuana occasionally, but getting to talk to him while he was so high, even for a few minutes, was quite an experience. Like him not being himself, dang it, he could barely understand a word I was saying. I feel absolutely awful now, almost to the point that I'm nauseous.
I can't stand it when my emotions overpower my rational side. OK, what's the big deal? It's just weed. He's an adult, can make his own decisions. But I still feel worried. Don't even know how to express that to him. It just doesn't seem right when someone is not getting a grip on their life, and then smokes so frequently...alone. All I do is close my eyes on it. What a stellar friend, huh?
I have no idea what to do about this or if I should do anything at all. For now I'm not even sure if I could talk to him effectively any time soon. I feel helpless and stupid, kind of sensing that a whole lot of people wouldn't understand what my problem is. Just want to close up and stay alone right now.
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To top off the great night, my husband just fainted for the first time in his life, collapsing on the floor right in front of me. Surprisingly, I learned I could speak English quite well even when I'm scared to death. No one's hurt. We ended up getting a good laugh out of it later.
Ahh, I should take life more lightly.
If I were you, I would tell your friend what you thing and how you feel about him using marijuana, but only if you are close friends, otherwise he will probably say it's not your business.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy. Talk to him and see what happens. Don't worry about it yet.
What happened to your husband? Why did he faint? I hope he is doing fine now.
I actually know the feeling... sort of like wanting to talk to someone that you know if safe but then you realize that maybe they aren't always that way?
ReplyDeleteI know what you are feeling because... my mother smoked marijuana when I was a child and as I got older. I always wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up when I smelled or saw or knew she was smoking. I always wanted that stereotypical mother that is there when you need her and will talk to their children about anything. Keep them safe, ya know?
I never thought it was too much to ask for - wanting a mother that I could look up to and make sure was doing the best thing for her children. But I always knew that she wasn't - I always knew that when she was high, she could never have taken care of us when we needed to her too. I guess that's why I grew up so fast and made myself remember that if there's anything in this world that I want a part of, I'll have to get it myself - the RIGHT way.
Katrine, you're friend doesn't know how you feel. He won't know unless you tell him. It might take time for you to be able to contact him again but he'll never know how you feel - how much you worry - unless you express it to him. You - of all people, I think - know that words are the best way of expressing how you feel. =)
good luck, girl. I wish you the best.
P.S. - hope the hubby is alright! tell him he's not a goofball =P
Iria: Thank you for your advice. The friend is a close person to me, so I am definitely planning on talking to him about this, just not sure yet how to put it all together in a right way.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is absolutely fine, thank you for your concern though. For whatever reason he just got lightheaded standing up, and slowly tripped. I overreacted, but it was funny later :)
Shelly: I'm so sorry to hear that about your mother and am glad to hear that you are staying strong. Once again, thank you for your kind words and support.