You know how it is when you're talking to someone and then something interrupts you. And even after that distraction is long gone the person you were talking to doesn't ever bring up what you were saying, and you realize that they didn't really care that much all along. Yeah...
Today I met up with Aviator. I haven't seen him for 6 years. We used to be friends in high school, fell out of touch later, and then started talking again online less than a year ago. It was on and off, but conversations were pretty solid. I never shared much about myself. It was more about listening to him talk about his life, girls, and airplanes.
Aviator was an open book no matter what I asked. It was a little strange, I never complained though. He would say things like "I want to tell you something that I haven't told a single person...You have earned a lot of trust with me...I value you as not only a friend but a confidant as well." I honestly don't know how this happened. I guess it was more of a 'we like those to whom we self-disclose' sort of thing for him. Still, it was puzzling he never asked for much in return. I did share somewhat through questions, but he never dug deeper. I liked that.
We met at his work, at a very small but nice airport. It went...okay. I don't know how someone might seem so different once you see them in person, or maybe you suddenly realize you failed to acknowledge that all while talking online? When I was younger, I had a hard time telling who was a real friend to me, and I would often ask myself how I felt with them. After talking to Aviator I felt like crap. My job, my goals, my abilities, where I live, my phone for pits' sake. What a self-absorbed stuck-up asshole, I came to the conclusion when it dawned unto me that I love where I am even though it might not be a "successful" place for someone who's got it all figured out..or thinks he has.
I came to my computer and skimmed through one of our talks. "I look at the remnants of being heavy. when I go to a restaurant I am very uncomfortable with my back to a large number of people..." Aviator has shared some deep intimate shit with me, and that was nothing like how we talked when we met. Oddly that cocky stud I saw today seemed way more personable when not in person.
I can't remember the source, and El Google isn't helping much, but I have learned and read that another person can use this very powerful technique of sharing personal and almost intimate information for purposes of drawing you in and creating a false bond. It's gross, and I bet that's why you felt kinda ick after talking to him. It sounds as if he either has a problem with boundaries or uses that sort of "sharing" as a way to bond in order to benefit personally. I don't like it.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he has some sort of deep manipulative motives behind, more just being immature with his occasional cockiness. About sharing so much, we definitely have a problem with understanding how close we are to each other, but again, probably nothing more to that. I felt bad because in real life it seemed obvious he doesn't really care about me. He cares about me as someone interested in his life and his issues. We'll see how it goes. We haven't talked since.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thanks for visiting and caring enough to leave a comment :)