When am I going to watch you walk?

Sometimes you're waiting for something and don't even notice how you're forming an expectation of how exactly it's going to happen.

It's like a girl wants to have a good life. She wants to get married some day..wear a beautiful dress...a puffy white one...with lace...a hand-beaded floral lace. And so it goes.

My best friend is finally graduating this semester after 5 and a half years of ups and downs. Our amazing friendship started out in college. During all four years that we've known each other he was a student, so it made sense to me his graduation would be a big deal.

It was one of our regular weekly phone calls. "When am I going to watch you walk?", I think I was getting more excited than the future graduate himself. "I'm not going to the ceremony". His words prompted a confused pause.

I had no idea before, it actually mattered to me that he participate at his commencement. Worse, I actually had a mental imagery hugging him in his gown. Don't know if that's because my caring levels for him occasionally shot up to something parent-like, but it was almost like he was stealing my moment.

I thought back to my graduation. It was winter, too. A day so cold your nostrils would freeze as soon as you went out. My family, who came for their daughter's wedding occurring a week later, were still very much confused about life in America. I remember sitting with all the graduates and worrying if they figured out where to sit, if they have any idea what's going on, or if my little brother is bored. I could hardly recognize anyone standing or sitting beside me, but the overarching spirit of cheer, joy, love, and new beginnings was so powerful, it was fascinating. Then followed a short walk across the stage with a padded folder that had no diploma, and a hug from my husband I will remember for a long time. I felt happy.

Now back to my friend...I know that events that bring joy to one person can turn out plain miserable to someone else, but it's not the point. What makes me sad is really not the fact that his graduation will not be as I imagined. It's his lack of enthusiasm about the future and me not being able to help out.