I'm great.

I've been chronically tired for at least two weeks. Sleep is a precious commodity, as always, but now I trade it for trying to do something I plan to accomplish and then of course not doing it.

I have my own distractions.

Yesterday a friend called to say that he wants to shoot himself. A nice phrase to say in gesture when life plain and simple sucks. Too bad he meant it literally. He had a gun ready.

Sometimes it seems that no amount of love for someone can help them change the way they view themselves.

I'd want to cover him from everything that's so hard to bear, wrap my arms around him and somehow make it so that he would get it, just once, how valuable he is to me and so many around him.

"Would it change your opinion of me if I don't get into any of my teaching programs?" "I wouldn't care" "That's the point."

Fuck 'success' defined by others. It doesn't REALLY matter.

"You don't really care about what I'm saying, do you?"

I was so tired. I felt like a kid who resorts to throwing a tantrum when everything else fails. All that self-depreciating crap. I wanted to knock him down and punch his face to the point when he's bleeding and he can't have a single thought pertaining to what he said that night.

I have my own issues.