I feel lonely. Not the type of 'lonely' when you long for someone to come and save you, I just feel that I need to move on my own for now. Sure, there is my husband. He's always with me, he's part of me. It's just other people seem farther than usual and I don't want to come closer at this moment.

My body feels like it's been inside out and upside down these past few days. Chills, high fever, speech difficulties. I couldn't get up for couple days straight. This morning, while crawling on the shower floor because of bad stomach spasms, I wanted to scream.

No matter what people say about insignificance of their bodies and soul being more important, if your body is f-ed up, good luck getting out a smart idea out of your head or helping other people while all you can concentrate on is physical pain. Body is a vessel, and I've been driving mine too far.

I feel so angry. It's really eating me up. I don't handle the feeling too well, but it takes time to work it out. What's worse, sometimes that anger turns inward, and that is when it feels like I can't cope. Such moods make me want to shut myself off for a while, when at the same time it's not really what I want.

I'd better go to sleep.