I hate it when I know that the reason I eat chocolate is not because I just want to have some chocolate. So often it's something else: stressed over work, I want to finally accomplish the things I set my mind to, I worry about - ironically- my weight, I just want to feel good. And it's a quick fix.
As I was shopping at Wal-Mart today, I recognized a few boys from my school. One of them brought such an unpleasant feeling, I walked faster so they don't have time to notice me. During my prep period, when "real" teachers get to work on their lessons or just relax, I had to go and sub in another class. Freshman Math.
At the end of the class I had a boy extending his arms, asking for a hug. Normally I would not find it appropriate...at all. I'm a young teacher in high school, you are a maturing freshman, I'm not your buddy or a mom or a girl to play around with. No touching, please. It helps to be from another culture, so people attribute unusual traits to your background rather than your personality. For some reason I let it slide this time.
It all happened so fast. Instead of my hands slightly touching his shoulders, I felt his arms suddenly grip my back, shifting my entire body weight onto his, and throwing my legs in the air somewhere at the level of the desks. For a second it all froze and I wanted to pretend it was not happening. Here he was, a skinny little freshman who dared to do this to me in front of the whole class. Define embarrassment.
When I'm at school, 'embarrassed', 'scared', 'disappointed', 'threatened', all translates into plain "mad"... I was still too ashamed to report the incident to the discipline.
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