FAIL

"Look at me, look at me!" <<-- the epitome of pathetic...

After hours of moping, staring at the wall, binge eating, crying and occupying myself with other unproductive activities, I finally decided to pour out my heart onto paper and move forward.

About a month ago, after a rigorous selection process and several rejection letters from teaching programs, I finally got accepted to a teaching fellowship. Perhaps, I don't do justice to my small everyday accomplishments, but it seemed like it was my first big victory in the past 7-8 years, since I won a scholarship to study in the US in high school. For once I felt again like I'm on a roll. My marriage, our social life, church, my productivity at work, everything seemed to be getting better. In a couple of months I would start my training, be enrolled in a master's program, and would have a full-time job with benefits already in august. I would...

Here's the catch. In order to retain my status as a fellow, I had to pass some standardized tests for teachers. With the dates lining up the way they did, I only had one opportunity to take the test for my subject at the last possible time before the deadline.

Fast forward four weeks later - I fail the test. We are not moving to a much bigger city. I'm not getting a job doing what I want. I'm out. Fail...not.

I don't know yet if I passed or not. The test was today. Feeling way too uneasy about it with so much being at stake.