Opening up

Bram paced the classroom, asking students if anyone knew how to fix that certain part of a car I've never heard of before. He seemed pretty desperate, making calls whlie on the job, searching through car articles online and seeking advice from people who clearly didn't have much to offer. I felt bad for the guy, but there really wasn't anything I could do.

Bram and I have been working together for a month or so. He's a few years older than me, a registered Republican, a former frat boy, now going through a quarter-life crisis. Today on top of all of his perceived troubles he learned that his car needs a serious repair.

When someone jokingly brought up Harold Camping's prophecy, Bram simply added "I wouldn't care if the world ended tomorrow. I might as well die".

After classes were over, as we were pushing chairs under the desks, Bram got back on the topic of his car, sliding on the slippery slope of how downright-pathetic his life is."I live with my mom. I don't have a job. My degree gave me nothing. Now my car...Nothing to live for...Do you ever get suicidal thoughts?" He asked it so as-a-matter-of-fact-ly, that I plainly responded, "I do".

Apparently that wasn't the right answer, according to Bram. He turned around, froze for a second, and asked once again, "YOU DO?" At this point I could've backed down and generalized that most everyone at one point or another at least mildly played around with the idea in their head, but I didn't see any incentive to hide the truth, so - "Yes".

I found it a little funny the way he put me on the spot. My life has been going great, and especially at work I can't help it but act as everything is always in control. His question picked up something long-forgotten and honestly admitting it felt so easy as if it wasn't part of me any more. I hope he understood it right. Before I could open my mouth again, someone else walked in and we moved on.