That feeling

It's like the dreadful longing you'd get when you're a kid and one of your parents drops you off at pre-school. Now they are gone and you gotta stick around all day without them whether you like it or not.

I miss my husband so much. Because of the way our living situation worked out, we have to live apart for at least three more weeks. I hate saying "have to", there is always a choice to do things differently, but that's what we, OK, I decided.

It's pathetic, but sometimes I just lay in bed and cry. We'd talk on the phone for a little bit almost every day. He'd be kind and caring, asking about my day and saying things like "Baby, I love you and miss you". It all seems fine, but I want more.

Things have been hard and very stressful with my training here. I want him to come, wrap me in his arms and make it all right...just like the last time. I want him to call more often, leave numerous voice-mails, reach out for me on Facebook, Skype, AIM. I want to fall asleep listening to his voice on speaker phone and get sweet as hell e-mails when I wake up in the morning. I want him.

We don't talk much about important issues any more. Things like what our descendants would show in museums after we're all long dead, or how it's so strange that we're often drawn to people that we're not most comfortable with. Random, stupid stuff that I could always share with him.

I'm feeling too needy, clingy, seeking out attention just for the sake of it. Hey, I'm here. It's sick. It's like I'm going through some sort of obsessive head-over-heels in love, desperately crushing on my own husband stage. I try thinking about it rationally and feel like I'm being infantile, mentally demanding him to drown me in his attention. I get upset at myself, feel absolutely stupid and of course it just makes everything worse.

Hate that feeling.