Tonight I'm happy. Whatever crap happens next, I must cherish today and not dare to forget how wonderful it can feel. I'm in love. I'm so in love with my husband, in love with the whole world. So happy and thankful to have my few close friends, to know that hope isn't dead, and that I'm never alone. I am happy.
If you're going through a rough time now and my overly-jubilant tone makes you want to throw up a little, that's cool. I understand. Just grab a bag and let my words be a reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's pitch black for you now. It is there.
A few months ago I hit rock bottom. The issue that was deeply saddening me, was not going away and at times would only get worse. That's when I decided to go "on a quest". I'm still not willing to reveal much about the real matters behind that little code name, but I do want to share about all the progress that has been happening recently.
You know how it feels when you are trying to move a very large stone and it's just not moving a tad no matter how hard you push? Your endless efforts seem so pointless, you want to give up, but something makes you keep going. So, you wipe off the sweat, bite your lip and try again.
This week I realized that the stone started wobbling. When I looked at all the progress my husband and I were making, that culminated in a very intimate gift this Sunday night, I couldn't stop crying. It took a lot of hard work, patience, persistence, praying, and faith...that today will come. The quest is so-so far from being over, and I'm sure there will be times ahead when I'm tempted to give up again, but this time I'll have faith. This light, this memory, I will have today in my heart.
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