How can you not like it?

I don't mind that much being told what to do. Sometimes it's better this way. At least it's obvious what's expected from you, and even if you have no intention to fulfill that, you are well aware of what someone else wants. It's all clear.

What I don't like is people telling me how I should feel about something, especially when they define when I should be happy. Certainly, there are some common events as with funerals or weddings, that have a certain socially-acceptable response, but sometimes expectations of others go too far. It gets to the point that I feel apologetic that my life, my perceptions didn't fit what they thought I would go through emotionally.

So what, you think walking three miles in a dreadful weather with a foot of snow on the ground completely sucked. I enjoyed some alone time combined with exercise and a feeling of satisfaction from saving money not getting a cab. I seriously liked it! Why don't you believe me? No, I'm not playing a martyr here. Oh fine, feel sorry for me.

What's harder is when your experience appears to be worse than what people expect. Then it just doesn't seem appropriate to share your true feelings, or you become a downer. I've heard it so many times, "These are the best years of your life". Right! That's why there were several times when I sought help dealing with suicidal thoughts. Oh, are you saying it will suck now even more after my "peak years"? That is fantastic. What about I decide on my own when my life rocks? I really don't think we should create this unnecessary pressure about not living up to what someone decided life's supposed to be like.

I'm sorry. There are things you like that I just can't stand. Why do you make me feel so bad about it?

My old friends from Ukraine often ask if I like it here in the US. I find it hilarious when some of them immediately apologize, claiming that their question was stupid. "How can you not like it there?" Why yes, I love it here. Because you know, all people in America are plain ecstatic every single second of their life. The roads are paved with gold, and such notions like "misery" and "sorrow" exist only in the dictionaries, no one really knows what they mean, right?

My list can go on and on. I bet you could think of something that ruined your holiday, but would hardly spoil a regular day. Can't we appreciate special moments even if our calendars don't specifically tell us to, and not get stressed when a holiday doesn't go as it's "supposed to". It's another day. Tomorrow will be better.

Deep inside, I know that it's all up to me. I am the one who allows those expectations to touch me, who exaggerates their importance, and selectively exposes her life to others carefully crafting its image so it "fits". One thing is certain though: as long as it is this way, I am also the one who can change it all.