Do you want to be a teacher?

"I quit. I don't see why I should take any more of this humiliation. Just fuck it all. I quit."
That's how I felt right after my 6th period with the 8th-graders. Why can't I just lock the room and cry my heart out? But the school day wasn't over and I was yet to face another handful.

REWIND TO A FEW MINUTES EARLIER:

"Now you can clearly see that three is the median in this case." Someone in the back says "three" with the "th" part pronounced closer to [t]. I hear some soft laughing. Why on earth would someone be talking about a tree now, I think to myself at first. Moving on. "Let's consider the following data set: one, one, three, f.." "THREE". This time I'm interrupted even before I get to finish the word. "Three. Three" The boy keeps repeating the word with that same strange pronounciation definitely enjoying all the attention he's getting from his classmates.
Ahh..now I get it. This realization painfully pierces something inside and it gets way harder to talk. I stand quietly, waiting for the class to calm down, but really I just take time to gather myself up and hide any traces of what's inside. "CLASS!" It takes them a minute to get quiet again. I go on, this time paying more attention to what I'm saying. "To find the median we need to take the average of 22 and 24, which is twenty ... (what a magnificent FML moment)...THREE. I don't just hear chuckling. The kids are having the time of their lives with only a few of them not joining into the fun. The girl upfront tries to sympathies: "Aww, this is so mean." For whatever reason it only makes me angrier inside. I'm not a f-ing kitten. Don't "aww" at me.

"I'm done!" They all suddenly shut up and look with caution. "I walk towards my table to stay there till the end of the period. "There will be no more explanation! If you have no respect, you'll be treated the same way. I expect to have all your classwork AND homework for tomorrow on my desk by the end of this period."
It gets quiet for a minute or so and then the blaming game begins. "I didn't do anything and now I have to suffer." "It was all his fault!" "It's not fair!". I let them figure out their issues on their own, but that's not what the kids want. "My mama won't be too happy when I tell her my teacher didn't explain nothin'" - I'm a little surprised by the boldness of this statement, but I make sure to express my sheer excitement about talking to the girl's parents. She gets the point and turns away.

It sucks. I don't think anyone there realized they got it, they found my Achilles' heel. I'm cool with people correcting me. I honestly find it funny when a native speaker copies the way I say certain things, but not when it's done like this. Really? I was put down by a bunch of 14-year-old's?

NEXT DAY AFTER THE CLASSES ARE OVER:

"What's up"
"Well, hello. Why are you here so late?"
"Detention"
"I thought you were a good kid"
"Grades. I never do my Spanish homework. It's too hard."
He sits down at the nearest desk to me, clearly in the mood to talk.
"So, why were you guys laughing so much yesterday?"
He looks away and acts distracted all of a sudden.
"Zack. What was it about?" - even though I know darn well what that was about, I want to hear his side of this.
"Your accent."
"Was it about my "three" in particular or something else?
He's being evasive again.
"How you say "teach"
Teach? How do you say it again?
Zack appears to be kind of surprised by my question. But he repeats and I repeat after him. It's dificult. We do it again. There is something strange and intimate in this moment. Now I'm learning. I'm always learning with them.

"You could be a good regular teacher. Do you want to teach? You'd get more respect then."
"I can't. I don't have a licence"
We stay quiet for a while and I try getting back to my report.
"You know, It's nothing personal. They treat all the subs like this."
"Is there a single sub that just comes and has your class quiet and disciplined?"
"No"
I smile. Perhaps, I'm too idealistic at times.