Holding my chandelier

So worn out. Like that old t-shirt that's been worn and washed so many times you can barely see any writing on it.

I was helping to hang a chandelier today, and while my husband was doing all the electrical work, I was holding a heavy metal fixture over my head. At one point my arms, shoulders, neck, back and legs were so tired, I started thinking of Dante's Inferno, trying to compare my tortures with his circles of hell. It felt like I couldn't bare it any more.

Past couple days my husband has been under a lot of pressure with his work and lots of other things that fell on his shoulders. It's been reflected in our relationship. I won't say any more. I'm praying a lot and trying to retain my sanity in this whirlpool of emotional turmoil. I know I could have been handling things way better, could've been a more supportive wife for him, but that's how it always goes...woulda coulda shoulda. Repeating my mantra: it will get better. Just like with the chandelier, soon the heavy load will be off my back.

For now though I just want to close my eyes and pretend that I can hide from everyone else.